Ok, so I bought one of these fancy new 306T heat-temperature controller things. Now most folks that know me well would say somethin' like "Now what the dickens is that boy gonna do with that!?". Well, down here in the south it gets hot, real hot. Most of our energy-conservation is aimed at keeping our pretty little heads (and other parts) COOL. Yeah, the heat and humidity down here is rather tough. We claim we can cut a chunk off with a knife and send it to Alaska and it'll still be solid when it gets there. Yeah, hot and humid enough to make the big pole at the post office wilt.So, what's a guy from the enchanted land of humidity supposed to do with something that controls a heating device? Can't plug it into our nearest star to turn it's temp down when it gets too hot. Nope, that won't work, besides...I don't have an extension cord that long (got a bunch of'em, though!). I don't hatch chickens and I don't own an iguana, though I have an old highschool buddy that resembles one strongly (that's another story). So....Down here in the deep south hardly anybody knows what a “frost line” is. What, bury a water line three feet deep? Shoot put it down six inches so you won't run over it with the lawn mower and forget it!!!! Bare pipes running everywhere, exposed to the heat...and the occasional hard freeze we get some winters. Man, when that little weatherman guy comes on and starts talking about sub-freezing temperatures you can meet the whole town down at Joe Maynard's hardware store buying up pipe insulation, heat lamps, propane torches (to thaw them frozen pipes out later, of course!...and later we hear about so-n-so (can't say his name here) burning his garage down where he had been making his whiskey while he was thawing pipes, but again, that's another story).Yeah, people start scampering around like my 3-year old granddaughter running back from the kitchen with a crazed look in her eyes and a Popsicle she just snuck from the freezer hanging out her mouth! Suddenly everybody is panicking trying to protect those delicate pipes that they swore last year they were going to “take care of”. I'm usually right there with'em. Sometimes it gets right dangerous with so many desperate people vying for that last heat tape. Watch out for them little old ladies with the blue hair...they can get mighty mean when the pipe insulation starts running low. Humanity can be so cold at times...So here's what I've done. I'm just as guilty as the next fella about procrastinating about getting my pipes permanently insulated. I usually run around with the herd of folks looking for those foam tubes for insulation and fiberglass wrapping stuff for the crooked places. You ever seen two old pharts playing tug-o-war with a piece of foam pipe insulation??? Oh, and my favorite....Infra Red heat lamps....they do work a treat in keeping those pipes from freezing. I've got one really bad area that I do my best to protect...it's the outside washer and hot water heater!!! Open ended garage...exposed pipes. Yeah, it's kind of open to the elements. Why, I do believe that was where my wife come face to face (the first time) with a fat ol' possum....them things are ugly and even uglier when they “hiss” at you...being from a large city she really didn't know how to take that possum but I think she took the cow drinking out of the bird bath a bit better, but I digress. Man, I *hate* plumbing work (but ain't got nothin' aginst possums) so I really couldn't make it without those heat lamps!!But, there's a problem with those heat lamps...they don't have a brain to turn on and off when they need to. And I'm at work a lot of times when they need to turn on...or off. Don't need'em running needlessly just to send my do-reh-me to the greedy power-company. And I don't need my pipes ah freezing 'cause I wasn't there to turn the lamps on. I just need those heat lamps a burning when it's freezing, that's all. But I can't be in two places at once and there's a not a friendly troll that comes along and unplugs them for me....DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!!! Enter in the 306T controller!!! You ever see them old science fiction movies where the aliens all looked like they had one of those beehive hairdos but instead it was their brain? These were mostly black and white movies...real grainy and we had to twist the outdoor antenna to get'em to come in good. Well anyhow, the 306T would look like that if it was an alien 'cause it'd have a really big brain!!! Really smart contraption. What can I say, eh?Ok, so here's what I did. I took the 306T and hooked those 250W heat lamps up to it. Set a differential of a couple of degrees off from 32F and let her rip. Works like charm!!! No more spinning that meter like it's a Chuck Berry 45rpm record that the electric-company's doing “The Twist” to!!! Stops them blood-suckers from tippy-toeing through my wallet!!!! Yessire!!!! When it's not cold enough to freeze the pipes the 306T turns off the heat lamps, when it gets close to freezing the 306T turns them back on. No frozen pipes!!!! No trips to the hardware store trying to match up pipes and fittin's and swearing that I'll get everything honky-dory by next winter...no WWE fights with little ol' blue-haired ladies.Nope, the 306T doesn't hardly lift it's pinky-finger and turns those heat lamps on-and-off, on-and-off, on-and-off...and me, well I'm sittin' inside drinking a warm cup of something that warms me up or a cold cup of something that warms me up. I can set my thoughts on more important things...like finding that alien movie with the big-brained space aliens in it. Now that's somethng positive to be doing rather than pluggin' in and unpluggin' heat lamps...let the brain do it for ya!!!! Now, what'd I do with the tv remote control....maybe the 306T could find it for me....it's the real brain around here!!!!!!!!! Dang fine piece of equipment, too!!! NASA could take some tips from this Inkbird company. Must be a bunch of them big-brained Aliens running it cause this this controller is smarter'n Doctor Spock was and he was always amazing Scotty and Scotty was pretty smart himself!!! Fine company of aliens, I guess. At least they're friendly and won't eat'ya.So, if your hatching ostriches or maybe raising salwater crocs to hand out to the kids at Halloween and you're having trouble keeping the inkubators at the right temperature then fret no more!!!! You can get that temperature honed in to a “T” with a nice and shiny Inkbird 306T!!! And then when you get them ostriches and crocodiles all hatched out and happy and winter starts to move in you can keep your pipes from freezing with it, too!!!!! Think of all your money that you can keep out of the electric-company's hands!!! Shazamm!!!! It brangs tears to my eyes I tell ya!!!! It's an amazing piece of technology!!!!...something that keeps me from having to do plumbing work! The president oughta give ol Inkbird a medal!!!!!!!!!!!!!Customer service is great!!! It's the answer to all your problems. You can contact them if you do have a problem. I was having trouble baking pound cakes, they was just coming out all wrong and not airy like Miss Linda's cakes come out. I'd sifted the flour just right. I didn't stomp around in the kitchen with my work boots on. And still it'd come out a big flop. I contacted customer service and and this nice person went through the steps and things with me. Ended up I wasn't lettin' the eggs and butter sit out over night and come to room temperature like I was supposed to be doing. Amazing customer service!!!!!! Inkbird is a class act, I tell ya!!!Now, you know you want an Inkbird 306T, you really want one bad! Jerry Pickler down the road from you, he lives in the green house with all the funny-looking antennas on it...over behind where the feedstore used to be 'fore it burned down back in '73...hmmm, might've been '74. I think they was using a propane torch to thaw some frozen pipes out...shame Inkbird wasn't around back then. Anyhow, I'll bet Jerry's got one of the 306T controllers for inkubating his emus!!! (Jerry has some fine emus, too!) Don't let Jerry outsmart you even if he has twelve toes and can climb a tree better'n anybody in the county (has held the county tree climbing championship for eleven years runnin'!!!). And last thing, I really haven't seen him at the hardware running around like a maniac the last few freezes that we've had. Jerry Pickler ain't smarter'n you are...is he? Nuff said.Ya know, I got to wondering just now. My feet tend to get cold in the winter when I'm sleepin'....yeah, you know what I'm thinking...see, you're getting the “Inkbird Insight”!!! Yeah, a little duck tape and tape that probe to my a big toe and plug my 'lectric heater up. YEAH BOY!!! TROPICAL PARADISE!!!! This 306T is an amazing contraption, like an electronic Swiss army knife!!!!...musta been one of them fizzicist scientist (or a really smart big-brained alien) that figured this thing out!!!Oh well, I gotta go. Got me something cool to drink and I think “Lost in Space” is coming on the television (I think one of them big-brained aliens is supposed to be in this epysode)...gotta adjust the antenna just a tad, too. It's amazing, I thought the show had ended years ago but it's still coming on...and Will Robinson hasn't aged a bit!!!! Weird!!!! Oh.....now where'd I put my meds?......they're here somewhere....oh, here they are....hmm, I don't remember that one, oh well... All set to relax since I ain't wrappin' pipes for the winter and I know this purdy Inkbird 306T is gonna take care of things!!!!!!! YEEEHAWWWW!!!